Loss or gain?

I don't fit in here anymore.

I feel like a different person.

It almost doesn't feel like home anymore.

I've been gone too long.

Friends and acquaintances come and go.

Since I've been home, I've realized this more than ever.

No longer do we share those relationships we once had.

Everyone is on their own road.

I am on my own road.

I just thought maybe a few more would be around for my journey.

And still, life goes on.

A real person.

We all make mistakes.

This, is human nature.

We all make decisions.

We must stand by them or make the right.

I am having a hard time though, understanding how some willingly make decisions that are detrimental.

I have made mistakes.

I have made decisions- good and bad.

But does this make me a bad person?

No.

Because I take what I have done, and learn from it, 

so that I can be a better "me" tomorrow.

So, why do other seem to  be moving in the opposite direction?

Why do some have mentalities so caught up in the Wrong things and Wrong places?

There is more to this life than meets the eye.

Wake up and realize the old saying and,

never judge a book by its cover.

Stop getting caught up in foolishness.

We are grown.

And at the end of the day, no one can fix the decisions that YOU choose to make.

But it takes a

real person

to admit their mistake.

Be the bigger person, always.

Your self-respect should demand this.

Stop the hatred that lies within your soul,

release this negative energy.

Be you, a positive you,

that brings about

the kingdom of whatever God it is you worship,

here on earth.

So we can live in peace.

808s & Heartbreak

Yesterday @ Leslie's Birthday dinner (Happy Birthday again love!) a converstation about Kanye's album came up and how we all felt about the album as a whole and I figured since I'm listening to the album right now, I'd give my own analysis of this much talked about album- and the different direction Kanye seems to be heading in.

I'm writing my comments as I listen to the track, writing purely on the sense of emotion the track causes me to feel.




Ratings:
&: Skip this track!
&&: It's ok.
&&&: It's a pretty good song.
&&&&: I really like this song.
&&&&&: LOVE THIS TRACK!

Track:
1. Say you will: The beat makes me feel like I'm in the emergency room waiting for my test results to come in while I'm attached to a series of machines that are monitoring my very life. Then, you hear the underlying humming tune and you feel like there is a ray of hope amidst all the sorrow that can maybe make it a better day. I really feel like this is a powerful song. Without even listening to the words yet, just the beat takes me to a different place. The track goes to completely instrumental at 3:03 and honestly, I don't think any more words were needed, and despite the track going on for another 3 minutues, I find no desire to skip to the next track yet, I feel like there is still a story being told. Great way to start off the album.
Rating: &&&&&

2. Welcome to Heartbreak ft. Kid Cudi: Kanye has always told us how he is insecure and how he got caught up in the wonderful life of luxury, ever since his debut album and very successful track "All Falls Down". That being said, this track shows us that we're still looking at the same Kanye since day 1. Despite the very personal recent losses in his life, he still struggles with the same types of pressure and insecurities he always has. He's definitely honest with the audience in this track, which is something you can always count on Kanye to do. He tells us a story with this song. Either love him, or hate him for it.
Rating: &&&

3. Heartless: This song is a listener favorite, just from what I've seen/heard from people. I personally like this song as well. Don't like the music video too much, but thats besides the fact. This song really speaks to all the men out there that have been played by women, he's hurt and this song is definitely the diary/ journal of this album. This man got his heartbroken and he's sad! Boy is he miserable.
Rating: &&&&&

4. Amazing ft. Young Jeezy: This song is a personal favorite of mine. Not only because I like Jeezy, but Jeezy and Kanye, we must admit, are hott together. I mean, Put On was probbbably my favorite song on Jeezy's recent album. The beat is cold, the lyrics are fire, I mean, this is a classic track. Simple yet, effective. Even though he's not necessarily "rapping" he still has a flow to his lyrics that make this song a hit. Love it.
Rating: &&&&&

5. Love Lockdown: This was the first single off of the 808s & Heartbreak album- and it was so powerful and different from anything that I have heard from Kanye- or anyone for that matter, and this is probably the reason why I was so intriguied to listen and add this album to my collection. He "had to go, he had to move" he isn't loving her the way he used to... Well, too bad for her, but we got ya Kanye, and I'm sure everyone's been here at some point. It's okay Kanye, we feel you.
Rating: &&&

6. Paranoid ft. Mr. Hudson: This song reminds me of the Kanye that we know and love. It's a nice transition from the previous sorrow filled songs and has a nice tempo. I do really like this track and the lyrics are very catchy. The beat is cold and once again, he tells us a story that we can relate to. Dang Mr. Rogers, lovin' it!
Rating: &&&&&

7. Robocop: Bitch is buggin, that's pretty much the moral of the story here. She was coo at first and then she became a bug-a-boo. She's nosey and all up in his business, looking through his phone and he's basically telling her that he doesn't need her to be checkin up on him like she's the law or something. Good song, the beat is very funky, but I like the story he tells us once again. "You spoiled little LA girl, you just an LA girl....."
Rating: &&&&

8. Streetlights: "I know my destination, but I'm just not there." Hear, hear Kanye. I can identify with this line word for word. The tempo and mood of this song if a calm and collected one. He brings us to yet another place in his life, and he makes it a familiar one where people can testify their own lives to. "Life's just not fair". Never is, never will be. But we know this.
Sigh... Rest in Peace Aunt Betty, Maddie Paguyo, Tia Zelmira, Tio Pino...
Rating: &&&&&

9. Bad News: After listening and reading the lyrics to this song, I feel so sorrowful. I'm assuming this song is directly involving his losses... I mean, the whole album is about heartbreak and loss, but reading the lyrics as I was listening to the song really allowed me to take a journey into his frustration and loss. I feel like I know how bad he's hurting. I mean, I've lost people in my life. Just like many others. I feel for you Kanye.
Rating: &&&&&

10. See you in my nightmares ft. Lil Wayne: This track brings us to his frustrated state of mind. With sorrow comes frustration and resentment. "Tell everyone that you know that I don't love you no more". I mean, clearly he's feeling salty. But he's fed up and he doesn't want anything to do with this chick. It's a wrap. BYE BIATCH.
Rating: &&&

11. Coldest Winter: Maybe Kanye forsaw the incredibly cold winter we are having right now- thus including this track. This is pretty much one of the most simple songs on the album. Nothing more than call and response- with himself basically. Very effective though. Once again, he's really sad. Lol. This line is sad tho.... "Memories made in the coldest winter..Goodbye my friend, I won't never love again.."
Rating: &&&&&

12. Pinocchio Story: Probably the deepest look into this man's heart you will ever see.
Rating: &&&&&

This album is probably the last of these kind from Kanye. We can only wonder what will come next, if anything from him. He told several phenomenal stories with this album. He brought us on a journey of his sorrow, but with that much pain and hurt, you can only wonder if he'll ever be the same.

Overall Rating: &&&&&

Mr. Grinch?

Today is December 22, and with Christmas Eve and Day just around the corner... I'm not really feeling the holiday spirit yet, if at all.

It's been wonderful being home, spending time with my momma, and all that jazz... but I feel as though each year the holiday festivities become less and less enjoyable for me. When I think about my holiday last year, I literally flew home Christmas Day and then wanted to pass out for the rest of the evening once I got there.. not my ideal Christmas. Maybe once Christmas Eve rolls around and my Momma, Grandma and I are all wearing our new matching shirts (pics to come) will I feel joyful about this time.

But then I think about the large number of people and children who are less fortunate than I, and the homeless that are barely making it through the night with this awful winter weather...
I wonder if this is what the Christmas season is about...

xoxo.

-35 degrees on a Sat night... someone to cuddle with would be nice...

My long-time friend Hoang took me out Ice Skating today at The Depot downtown and to Sushi Tango for dinner. It was nice and a really good time... I haven't ice skated in yearrrs but somehow I wasn't too bad, which was def surprising.

The whole night was wonderful actually.

We started talking, (like normal people do when they are in other people's company lol) and... of course it was about relationships and stuff, because that seems to be the only thing we ever talk about haha... and we both said the same thing.

Neither of us would mind to be in a relationship right now.

Not this crazy rushed business that goes on these days.. but something genuine.

Honestly, what ever happened to real relationships?

I know what it is!!!

The hoes are ruining it for all us good girls!!

Damn you, hoes!

This is harsh, I know... but for all you women who are just doing anyone and anything for any reason, YOU are making it hard to find a man out there with good intentions!!

Sometime's it would be cool to call someone up to just chill and cuddle.

Nothing serious, nothing physical, just someone to lay next to on these -35degree nights... but NO. He's thinkin about the cutty.

Sighhhh. There are good men out there.

There are good women out there. Like me ;)

So when can we link up?

Til then, I'll be Juliet waiting for my Romeo.

Does he exist?

Is that even what I want right now?...............

Ha! I'm a mess.
Let me just stick to fundraising lol.

Good News! and.. bad. (update at the end)

Good News: I've been getting some of my grades and surprisingly they are nottt what I expected at all. I pulled an "A" in calc thank god and somehow I pulled a "B" in history... after not showing up to about... 70% of the classes... but heyy-- I DEF studied reallllly hard for that final! Shoutout to Eug who kept me on track studying for finals!


Sooooooooooooo, like I said in my last post, I got my hair cut on thursday...

I like it, I feel like it's not that big of a change... but it def is shorter than what it previously was. Maybe I'll post some more up later that are better lol.

On to the bad news...

Sooooo, apparently my cousin (thankssss Michael) TOLD MY FATHER ABOUT MY TATTOO WHOM I HAVE NOT TOLD YET AND (I WAS PLANNING TO eventually) I HAVE TO COME BACK TO HIS HOUSE IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS FOR THE REST OF THE BREAK AND HE'S GONNA (probably already is) BE PISSED AT ME BECAUSE HE FOUND OUT FROM SOMEONE ELSE.... ughhhhhh.

NOT a good look right now........... whyyyyyyyyyy Michael?!?!

I mean, he probably thought that pops already knew.... but stiiillll. isn't that like a RULE of thumb that you DON'T mention drugs, alcohol, sex, tattoos, boyfriends, girlfriends, piercing, etccccc (did i miss any?!?) to the parents because its a LARGE POSSIBILITY that they DON'T know about them?!

Blah.

It's snowing. Maybe I'll go build a snow angel to get my mind off of my future ass whoopping.

>>>>UPDATE: So, dad approached me about my tat... and the convo was as follows via blackberry messenger (lol)

Pops: Tattoo maia? Why.

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Sigh. I wanted to tell u myself.

Pops: Did it hurt?

Maia -Uncle Ben-: No not really

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Felt like a light gum scraping

Maia -Uncle Ben-: It was over in like a min

Pops: Is it on your upper or lower lip or gums?

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Lower lip

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Gums? Gross

Pops: Send me a photo

Pops: lol

Maia -Uncle Ben-: KSystem message: File sent: IMG00113.jpg.System message: File sent: tat.jpg.

Pops: Neat

Maia -Uncle Ben-: I sent another one

Pops: ThxSystem message: File sent: tat2.jpg.

Maia -Uncle Ben-: So yeahh.

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Did u get all 3?

Pops: Yes

Pops: Why not pasta?

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Ahaha. True true

Maia -Uncle Ben-: I can add it underneath ;)

Pops: Maybe you could get that on top

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Yeah I def could haha

Pops: Pasta y arroz

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Yesss

Maia -Uncle Ben-: I can't believe ur cool with this

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Moma cried... I told her on wednesday

Pops: Sigh

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Yeah...

Maia -Uncle Ben-: She's over it now

Pops: It could be worse

Maia -Uncle Ben-: She she was pisssssssssed

Pops: I'm glad at least no one can see it unless you choose to show them

Maia -Uncle Ben-: That was the wholllllle point!

Pops: I do not like "exposed" ones.

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Meeeeee either

Pops: Where anyone can see always.

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Glad we're on the same page

Pops: Well I got it

Pops: Yep

Pops: Lol

Maia -Uncle Ben-: Lol

WHAT A RELIEF.

I'm home again.

I got home Tuesday afternoon. Home being the 612 area of course. It's been so long.

I had mixed feelings about coming back. I find comfort in my beloved South Minneapolis, but at the same time, being here feels like a whole bunch of down time... aka not being productive.

Luckily, I can use this time to do something productive which is scout out fundraising ideas for the upcoming semester. I'm more than determined to have it be successful.. and freakin FUN at the same time... [Content removed. I take it back, and I in no way meant it to shit talk.]

Anyways... I haven't done much yet, considering I've been here all but 48 hours yet... but one thing I shouldn't have done... was tell my mom about my tattoo!! YIKES is all I can say. She's calmed down a bit now... but man, she even CRIED. Sighhhh... notttt really something I wanna watch my mom do. She pretty much said it was stupid. Ah well... atleast it's hidden. LOL. And the fact that I love it, so it doesn't really bother me. It just sucks she hates it so much.

Tomorrow i get my hair cut.

Pic's to follow.

I'm feeling daring. OR not lol.

Just a trim is in order I think... but who knows.

I'm gonna have to think of some interesting ways to keep myself occupied over this break becase so far, i'm bored outta my mind... AND BROKE!

All for now.

Shawtay want a drank drank drankkk

These were the words of the middle aged man @ the Hookah Bar I was studying at last night.

And he repeated to say the same line- over and over and over, about every 3-5 minutes for the whole entire night.

Good thing I was feeling good. Cuz any other night I would have been like...

can you PLEASE do u all a favor and learn the rest of the damn song or STFU? hahah.

but it was QUITE hilarious, so I let it rockk.

Last night was probably one of THE most weird nights of studying I've ever had in my life.

It all started @ Panera... moved to the Hookah bar... and then.. Dunkin Donuts... all within 12 hours of the day. Sighhhhh. I hope I did well on that test. Cuz I definitely studied my ass off for it.

Anywho... no tests until monday, so I'm off to procrastinate once again until the eve of that test comes again...

oh and btw; 

life, life is confusing.

aren't i pretty? and if so, then can i have yo numba?

lmao. that was shallow.

Ressurection

Hmm... well, where to begin? It's been what.. 5 months since my last post?

There are so many things that I could talk about, but you'd probably need 5 months to read it!

Here's just a recap of my life in the last 5 months:

1. Started @ St. John's University
2. My momma got engaged
3. Featured in the Queens Tribune as Model of the Week
4. Joined the Co-ed Business Fraternity: Alpha Kappa Psi
5. My aunt passed away. RIP Aunt Betty <3
6. Got elected as Fundraising Coordinator for the Spring '08 semester for AKPsi

So yeah... lot's has been going on... both good and bad. And here I am now, at the end of the semester WISHING and HOPING that God will look over me as I attempt to pass my classes... since as you can see my semester has been nothing short of very intense...

It's going to be a long night... but once it's all over-- I'm coming home to MN!!!! It's been toooo long 612! I miss you!!!