se7en items.

1. Lot of things been on my mind lately... future, here and now, past... things have come up... reflection has been extremely substantial these last couple days....

2. I know my destination; I'm just not there.

3. days til my photoshoot!! Yikessssss.

4. days til st. johns move-in againnnn from winter break.... good? bad?

5. Practically the amount of hours spent @ the effin ER... donnnnt ask... just stay away from Queens Center (Centre?) Hospital... wackkkkk.

6. The # of classes i'm taking this semesters.... ughhhhhh.

7. Yeahh, I saw Seven Pounds-- and loved it. Say something.

I am ok.

Rescheduled.

Photo shoot got moved.

It's now next saturday.

But, it was confirmed and everything, so at least I don't have to feel like these people are going to flake on me. It's at a legit studio in Manhattan too, so I can sleep @ night and not feel like I'm heading into a big fat scam.

Atleast for now.

I need this to work out... I'm praying that everything will fall into place.

-------------------------------

Movin on...

School starts on the 21st. Am I ready? Absolutely not.

I think I'm in denial about a lot of things right now... mainly that at the end of this semester I'm gonna be an orphan haha.

Gotta start looking for a place to live.

Okay it's not  l i t e r a l  but still. I need to find somewhere.

Being 20 and co-habitating (word?) with daddy dearest is def not on the top of my list of "must dos" for 2009, if you get what I'm saying.

"These things will come in due time"

(Did someone say this?)

- Jobs for modeling

- Revenue from those jobs

- atleast a 4 pack (and I'm not talkin beer)

- me waking up for my 7:35am class starting jan 21

- complete happiness.

sigh. why does it look like some of those items on the list are nearly impossible.

But what the heck. 

It's a new year. 

And new year or not, I need to make moves. 

For the better.

Starting now...........

And the Job Hunt begins.

Looking for a job.

So is everyone else.

Today I went to a modeling agency to see about modeling for them.

I have a photo shoot on saturday to start...

hopefully everything goes well.

I'll keep updating about how that goes...

Til then......

I'm back in New York.

Loss or gain?

I don't fit in here anymore.

I feel like a different person.

It almost doesn't feel like home anymore.

I've been gone too long.

Friends and acquaintances come and go.

Since I've been home, I've realized this more than ever.

No longer do we share those relationships we once had.

Everyone is on their own road.

I am on my own road.

I just thought maybe a few more would be around for my journey.

And still, life goes on.

A real person.

We all make mistakes.

This, is human nature.

We all make decisions.

We must stand by them or make the right.

I am having a hard time though, understanding how some willingly make decisions that are detrimental.

I have made mistakes.

I have made decisions- good and bad.

But does this make me a bad person?

No.

Because I take what I have done, and learn from it, 

so that I can be a better "me" tomorrow.

So, why do other seem to  be moving in the opposite direction?

Why do some have mentalities so caught up in the Wrong things and Wrong places?

There is more to this life than meets the eye.

Wake up and realize the old saying and,

never judge a book by its cover.

Stop getting caught up in foolishness.

We are grown.

And at the end of the day, no one can fix the decisions that YOU choose to make.

But it takes a

real person

to admit their mistake.

Be the bigger person, always.

Your self-respect should demand this.

Stop the hatred that lies within your soul,

release this negative energy.

Be you, a positive you,

that brings about

the kingdom of whatever God it is you worship,

here on earth.

So we can live in peace.